This one is hard. There is always something in our lives that we need to forgive ourselves for. I think the hardest thing for me is even after I’ve been forgiven for something that I did wrong, I still need to forgive myself. I still hold on to it and it just makes me feel worse, even though I’m forgiven for it already.
I need to forgive myself for not forgiving myself.
I always think about the thing I did wrong. Always. If I just say something wrong and it sounds offensive–after I correct myself and they understand–I still hold onto it. I apologize many times and soon they get annoyed and yell at me and say that I’m forgiven and that I just need to let it go.
I think one of the reasons why I don’t let it go is because I’m always afraid of hurting people’s feelings. Like, when I’m annoyed by something that someone’s doing, I don’t tell them to knock it off because I’m afraid I might offend them, so I just put up with it. The one good thing about that is that it’s taught me patience, I guess.
I’m also the complete opposite of my friend, Alison. I know, I’ve mentioned her a lot, but it’s true. (About the offending people stuff) If she’s annoyed by someone or something, she will be flat with you. She may be blunt, but she’s not offensive. If you are, say, touching her hair and making her feel uncomfortable–instead of just ignoring it, she will turn around and say, “Hey, I’m feeling uncomfortable with this, so can you please stop?” instead of turning around and yelling, “HEY YOU! STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR, YOU FREAK!”
I hate my fear of offending people. It makes me feel defenseless and a push over. I need to conquer it.
–Lizzy
