I just recently had my junior SEOPs with my counselor at school. And while my counselor was talking to me, I realized that I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with my life after I graduate high school. When she asked me what three colleges I would like to go to, I had no idea. I just blurted out the first colleges that popped in my head.
"Uh...UVU-Snow-Dixie."
My counselor nodded and typed them into her computer and my mom gave me a surprised look.
"I didn't know you wanted to go to Dixie..." she whispered.
"Ha! Yeah, I didn't either," I whispered back.
She asked me what my interests are. I sat there staring at my hands. What were my interests and what I would like to be when I grew up?
I've been doing soccer for five years. I thought about saying that, but quickly shot that down because I would never make a college team. I'm not on my schools team, let alone a club one. I'm just on a recreational team, and this is my last year I can play. *sad face* I honestly would love to be on a college team, but I'd never really taken soccer that seriously. One of my many regrets.
When I was little, my mom asked me if I ever wanted to play soccer on a team. I was about six or seven. I turned to her with a disgusted face and asked why I ever would want to do such a thing. I was more embarrassed because I was afraid I'd make a fool of myself on the field. If I had made the decision to play, I would be a lot farther ahead in my soccer career, I guess you could say.
I thought then about dance. I've started dance up again. Emphasis on the word again. When I was little, I danced in ballet and jazz for about three years. I quit. Of course I did.
Ugh, why did I quit?! I've regretted that decision every day I'm in dance every week now. My mom even told me I would. And, being the bratty little five year old I was, I ignored her.
I'm in dance at school now, and I'm also on a ballet team at my studio I dance at. I've started up dance again for about a year and a half now. And, to be honest, I'm not the best. Everyone else in my class can do their splits and they're all on pointe. And I'm not. If I hadn't quit ballet when I was little, I would be so much better! That thought is always in the back of my mind. I mean, I'm not bad, or I wouldn't be where I am now, but I could be so much further ahead.
Then I thought about photography. But, for some reason, I was hesitant to say it. It felt so mainstream to say it, actually. I felt like if I said it, I would sound ridiculously stereotypical. I would sound like the 98% of women who live in Utah County that have a photography business with a boutique on the side.
I will defiantly say that I did not join that 98% just because everyone else was doing it. I honestly had a passion for photography, even when I was little. I loved taking pictures. Before I bought my nice, expensive-ish, wonderful camera, I was just using my parents point-and-shoot camera [digital for you non-photography folks].
But, one thing that REALLY bothered me was this girl in my old neighborhood. She was also a photographer, and she was really good. I'm serious about this. She was awesome. But because of her, no one even knew that I liked and took some pretty good photos, too. I was constantly living in her shadow. It was awful. I did this photography book for a project, and when I was displaying it, people were surprised that I even took pictures at all. [This girl also did a photo book project. That pissed me off.] And they were surprised by how good they were. That sounded SO self-centered, but they seriously were. That just annoyed me.
Heh, sorry about that little tangent there.
To make a freaking long story short, I just told her put photography. I just hope I made the right decision.
There are so many opportunities for me out there. College, a job, marriage, a family even. And just knowing how near that is [although I can't compare this to seniors. Jeez, I feel bad for them right now] is so stressful.
Just got to grit my teeth and do it, right?
...
Right?
Oh please, what am I saying? We all know that I'll be living in my parents basement until I'm thirty.
No comments:
Post a Comment